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It's all so fucking funny [02 Jan 2007|03:54am] Hey, what do you know? I'm posting in this thing again! You know what that means!! another year down in flames. All i did was start into school this year, and it really hasn't brought me all that much happiness; save for the feeling of a job well done with this last semester. This year was fucking balls and a half. I fucking moved TWICE and was homeless for about a month and some change. I lost a lot of myself over the past couple of years and there's no hope of getting it back. I look around and see that everyone has moved on or done something with their lives. Everyone I know is getting older and it scares the fucking hell out of me. It takes me a few minutes to realize that I'm 22 now. I still feel like I'm 18 and living in my parent's house. Only now I can't just sit on the computer and talk to people I'll never meet in person, or girls that just seem too far out of reach to even have any relations with (and I don't necessarily mean sexual). it just blows that i feel as though i'm waking up now and i'm stuck in a rut. this isn't fun anymore. i want some sort of life to help ground me or something of the sort. and this all started with a simple fucking question from my friend Matt: "How the fuck did you end up way the fuck up here?" It's been haunting since he asked me last night. The only reply I could give was: I just needed to escape Tehachapi. It didn't matter where I went, I just needed to get so far away, I couldn't go back. I miss my friends. I'm lonely again. I haven't had a friend that I could relate to the way I've needed to in over 2 years. Now I'm living with a fucking shell of a guy who used to be my best friend, and I'll never get him back. People growing up makes me sad inside because I've hit the fucking wall. I've never been more jealous. 1 Thumb Up! | C'mon...Just do it.

Hello? [23 Jul 2006|03:30am] Is anyone out there? Do I still exist? I'm not sure. The internet hasn't been my friend as of late. Nor has anyone else for that matter. I miss talking to people, even if it was just typing on a keyboard. At least it was some form of communication. Give me a reason to stay online. 3 Thumbs Up! | C'mon...Just do it.

Micron Pens [05 Jan 2006|02:09am] WHAT THE FUCK IS WITH 02 MICRON PENS FUCKING HATING ME!? I had 2. Both of which fucking exploded causing me to be covered with the super ink inside of them. I blame everything and everyone but myself. I don't understand. I had a bunch more of different sizes in the same fucking pocket thing that I have in my binder, none of which are harmed even close to the same way. I'll say this...I'm giving 02 one more chance. If it happens again, I'm going to sue someone. No. I'll probably just end up buying more. I'M STILL PISSED, THOUGH! THOSE PENS ARE FUCKING EXPENSIVE!! I'm glad the stupid little one panel comic I drew today at work wasn't ruined. Maybe I'll post it in here later. Oh...and: 18 Wheels which murder city devils song are you? brought to you by Quizilla 2 Thumbs Up! | C'mon...Just do it.

Whoa. Hey. [27 Nov 2005|09:47pm] hey...remember when i used to write in this thing all the fucking time? Yeah...no one cared then, and no one cares now. I just find it kinda funny. I find it even more funny that less and less people post in their livejournals. LJ is a thing of the past! MYSPACE FOREVER!! I'd probably still write in this thing if more people read it. But oh well. One day when I'm famous, those of you who read this can be like, "shit...i knew that guy from the beginning! he was lame and whined too much about stupid shit." and I can be like, "I wouldn't have complained so much if you would've given me a blowjob! But you didn't. You were disgusted by me." And that's where I'm at right now. I want more friends. People need to call me and hang out with me. 4 Thumbs Up! | C'mon...Just do it.

Yay! [25 Oct 2005|01:16pm] Hooray for being in one of the worst moods you've been in in over 2 years and when you call the person that has always said they'd be there, who always wished you opened up to them, who was frustrated that you've never shown any kind of emotion...they don't answer their phone or text messages. I'm so fucking angry right now. not at them. more at myself for thinking that one person was going to help me feel better. now i know for sure. DON'T TURN TO ANYONE!! Because they'll abandon you when you need them most. 1 Thumb Up! | C'mon...Just do it.

It's been a while [21 Oct 2005|03:11am] I don't write in this thing enough. I remember when I used to do it every night, no matter what. Now look at me. I can't even get online for more time than it takes to check my e-mail. Hell, I can hardly get on my computer. I let Viraxo fucking die. I'm trying to bring it back from the dead, but lack of money keeps me from that. I haven't been doing shit in the meantime either. Maybe that's what bugs me so much. The fact that nothing takes up all of my free time. Go me! Go universe! I think the thing that made me update this damn thing is just the thoughts of how depressed I was when I lived in Tehachapi that last year. So many things fucked me up. Mostly myself. I just remember showing up at parties and shit thrown by the people I (should have) graduated with and just thinking "I fucking hated this person. Why am I doing this?" I know now that it was probably because I was with some girl that wanted to go to this party so she can get her holes filled by guys at least 3 years older than them. Either that or some broad that just got done getting her tank filled, called me up so I could take her home or something. I was always the go-to guy I suppose. I don't even know what I was supposed to accomplish with this entry. It has nothing to do with anything. Maybe I just wanted to do something because I finally have a minute to myself and I feel bad that I've been abandoning everything I used to do to make myself feel like I've actually done something with my life. LiveJournal is pretty much me cataloging my bullshit depression so when the time comes that my life is removed from this world, and supposing I made some sort of mark on this shitty planet, people can search and find out exactly what I was going through to become the Late Great Kenneth Todd! I hope I go out in such a badass way that it rips the flesh right off the faces of the living. TAKE THAT, LIFE!! I need to visit people that were part of my life that I lost contact with. I doubt they want to see me again, seeing as most people that I did try and get in contact with again said I was an asshole, or something along those lines. Maybe I was. But they probably had it coming. Most people usually do. I should probably sleep. I haven't slept well in weeks. Oh! My surgery will be on November 4th. If you cared about me, you would probably call and ask me what's up. Nah, I'm just joking. I know you care. It's just a matter of HOW MUCH you care. C'mon...Just do it.

Hey! [18 Oct 2005|12:04pm] Remember when I used to write in this thing every day? I wonder what happened. Maybe I'm just boring now. C'mon...Just do it.

Hey, everyone! [05 Oct 2005|07:25am] SHUT THE FUCK UP OR GET MORE INTERESTING!!! I'm up way too early and I'm grumpy. Especially with life. I'm going to the dentist. I'm not looking forward to sitting in traffic for an hour. Last night a flock of geese flew over my apartment. All I could make out were the squawks and gronks along with the outlines of their winged bodies against the background of the dark, starry sky. It was amazing and it made me smile. More things need to make me happy. "Not Tired" will be launching in a few weeks. That makes me happy. I hope I can draw more funny comics by then because right now...I'm not so silly. I can't be funny. SHUT UP! C'mon...Just do it.

Christian Singles! [06 Sep 2005|01:25am] I'm lonely. I'm all alone. I have no one. 3 ways of saying it. 3 sentences that get my point across. 2-3-4 words. I have no idea where I am, and I have no idea how I got here. It's like waking up from a bad dream to find out that you woke up in a puddle of your own vomit. Damned if you know how you ended up this way, but you assume you had a good time prior to the blackout. I like that. I'm stickin' to it. This past weekend I did a lot of thinking. I had the time to do it since none of my roommates were home. It was nice, but I talked to myself way too much. Kinda got to me. I also had a breakdown on the phone with my mother. I cried like a little kid and was screaming a lot. I hate the fact that my mom had to hit that nerve to set me off. Not so much the fact that I hate my mother. By no means am I saying that. I just hate that she had to be the one to do it. I don't like yelling at my mother. But...she asked for it, I guess. Too much shit came out of me that I was holding in. I wish I could remember it all. But it did make me angry when she tried to bring up a bunch of depressing shit hoping that it would be the cause to why I'm so fucking miserable. It's what I'm doing to myself that's driving me mad! It's where I'm at in my life. What am I doing? Why am I not in school? Why am I wasting any and all talent that I have? All that and living with my brother. I don't know why I agreed to live with the bastard, with all the crap he put me and my family through for years. I guess it goes to show you that some people never change. I've found that I bitch too much. Maybe I just need to get laid. I masturbate too much anymore. I feel like i'm 16 again. 2 Thumbs Up! | C'mon...Just do it.

NO NO NO!!! [25 Aug 2005|01:42pm] DAMMIT!! Well...looks like I'm scrapping yet another design for the new Viraxo site. I just found a new one that functions a bit more like how I wanted it to in the first place. So now I have to go through and deconstruct another script to make it look pretty. Sure it's not going look as pretty as the last design I work on, but at least it's not going to be cluttered like I would have had to make the other one. There are a few beefs I have with this new script, but it'll work itself out, I hope. My mind's all over the place. I can hardly think. I'm just upset by all of this. And I think that it's because I just added another few weeks to sitting in front of the computer, working on a shitty site no one goes to anyway. But I don't care. It's work. I need to keep focused on something. Otherwise I'll just get even more depressed. So, anyway...I need to start making a list of people that are going to contribute to the Viraxo Galaxy...community...thing. So far, I think all I need people for are reviewing movies and music. That's about it for now. Unless people have suggestions on what other content could be on there. So, if you're interested, reply to this, or hit me up on AIM: SlothGearRex I don't think anyone reads this, so those that do, spread the word or something. I'm hoping to launch the new site sometime in September. So you have time. That's all I'm going to say for now. Everything else in my life is just stupid. C'mon...Just do it.

Shit! [21 Aug 2005|04:59am] Well...it's been almost a week that I've been taking this "break" from working on the site. Sorry, but the time of that last entry was probably me having a panic attack and on the verge of insanity. If not insanity, then just wanting to cry and throw up until I passed out and finally got some sleep. Anyway, work will continue on Monday. I'm debating on whether or not I'm going to work on the new Viraxo site, or just finish up the Long Nights site because there's a SHITLOAD of work to be done on the Viraxo site, and I'm not even fucking around. It's like starting from the ground up, building 20 levels, deconstructing it, digging a basement, then building from there to about 50 stories up. Then comes all the plumbing work...and that's never fun. Then we have to hire some fucked up electrician who takes pictures of underage boys and all that jazz... Wait...what? It's 5 am and I'm not asleep. I need to get back in the game. C'mon...Just do it.

This isn't fun anymore. [15 Aug 2005|04:17am] Just like the title says. So, I've decided on a few things. For the website that is. Since that's all I talk about anymore BECAUSE IT'S CONSUMING MY LIFE!! Anyway...here's what I'm doing: I'm starting a web comic. I'm hoping to launch it within a month. I'm giving myself so much time to do it because: 1) I need to know if I can even do it. 2) I want to have enough comics done so when it's finally launched I don't have to rush myself for a good couple of weeks. 3) I need to sort some shit out in my head. 4) Want to be sure this is the site design I'm going to use. The web comic is going to be called "Long Nights and Nothing to Show for It". Yes, it's Poncho and Shoe, and it will (hopefully) rule. If not, then you can suggest things to make it better. I will listen because I'm a dumbass and I care what people think. Fuck expression, I want to be accepted. This comic is going to be separate from the Viraxo site altogether. Now, you may be saying, "Kenny, you can hardly keep one site going. How can you possibly manage two?" Well, my answer to that is: I won't. And now I will tell you what's up. The Viraxo website is no longer going to be just me and Graeme. It's going to turn into a sort of online community. Again, all of this shit is still up in the air, so like I said...I'm giving myself a month to figure it out. All that shit I said I was going to put into the "New and Improved!" Viraxo site were true. Only, I'm cutting out the comic and putting that on a separate page. The new Viraxo Galaxy will feature these things: - Cartoons (of course) - Rants - Reviews (movies and sometimes music) - Featured content (Such as the Great Beard-off 2.0) - And more! (well, not really, but I'm open for suggestions) I'd like it if at some point more and more people go to the site and we can have sections like, "Let us Review your Demo!" for crazy new bands. We like new music. I don't know. I'm tired and rambling. Oh, and hopefully this will get the message board kickin' for both sites. I think I'm going to just have the "Viraxo Galaxy Message Board" turn into "Not Tired". Too many ideas. I hate setting these goals because I know I won't follow through. Well, if you see me online, and you even care about any of this, or like Viraxo and/or any of my other work, then message me and let me know. It'll probably make this all worth it and I'll probably work harder and faster. Otherwise, I'll just be depressed all the way. You don't want a depressed Kenny putting too much weight on his shoulders, do you? 4 Thumbs Up! | C'mon...Just do it.

GAH! [11 Aug 2005|03:40am] Welp...things are coming along a lot better than last night. I had trouble wrapping my head around MySQL databases and Smarty and some other shit I don't want to go into because it made me want to strangle someone. But things are starting to look up. I was able to install 2 different scripts tonight. Tomorrow is just a matter of trying to deconstruct the .tpl files and editing them in such a way to match the Viraxo Galaxy site. Working with new shit is hard. Oh well. Hopefully it'll be worth it. I was angry today. I wanted to murder everyone at the bank. Man, that Shoe guy was right. Bank lines ARE shit. I had to fucking walk out because everyone who worked there was just staring at the line hoping that somehow the people in it would be helped. Well they didn't get helped faster, you fuckers. YOU ALMOST MADE ME LATE FOR WORK!! I'm glad I gave that cunt who was just standing there a dirty look. She made my day that much worse. Also, everyone in Santa Rosa drives with their heads up their asses. Angry music made me happy after work although I lost my voice from screaming too much on the way home. It was worth it. Note to self: Stop smoking after your throat is raw from screaming. It hurts. 1 Thumb Up! | C'mon...Just do it.

Shut up! Just shut up! [10 Aug 2005|12:53am] Seriously, though. No, I don't know. I know I've been talking about working on a new site, and those of you who have talked to me have been telling me, "WORK ON YOUR DAMN SITE IF IT MEANS SO MUCH TO YOU!!" Well fuck you! I am working on it. Do you have any idea how hard it is to try working with code and shit you don't know to build a website you don't even know how you want it to function, look, or navigate? IT'S ALL NEW TO ME! So far I've used 2 or 3 new site building codes to find out it's kinda how I want it, but in the end, none of them do what I want them to do. I want it to function as 3 or 4 different things, but that's not what the code is telling me I want. It's one or the other, or two but not all. All I can say is fuck that. I'll get it eventually. On a lighter note, I've been working on comic strips! Again, I don't know what the fuck I'm doing, but I'm hoping to stick with it, busting out more, and in time get a good flow going on so I can bust them out/make them look pretty good. Because right now they look alright, but not as good as they should. I imagine in time they'll start to come into their own. By the way, they're comics revolved around the world of Poncho and Shoe. I don't care if you don't like them. I do, and that's all that matters. Warm up to them because that's all you'll be seeing for a while. Well...when I get the new site up and running. Finding the right automatic comic archiver thingy is hard. If you know a good one and you're holding back from me, nuts to you! You should've helped me out a long time ago! I think I'm going to have to scrap a few ideas and shit from what I wanted the Viraxo site to be. At least for a while. I'm taking too long and at this point, I think I'm losing interest in my own site. Fuck me. 1 Thumb Up! | C'mon...Just do it.

aoifej [25 Jul 2005|03:11am] I feel so angry right now. Blame it on alcohol, blame it on sexual frustration. Blame it on whatever you want, or try to down-talk me into being a bastard. Maybe I am, but then again...so are you. I'm frustrated as all hell and I don't like myself right now. I may put on that fakey smile that makes you think I'm alright, but really I'm not. Inside, I'm tearing myself apart and hoping that some good will come of it when really it's just making me feel shittier. I hate the fact that I'm ruining my life. I'm doing nothing except maybe smoking too many cigarettes. I'm not eating right. I'm putting too much time and effort into anything that nothing will come from. I hate my drawings, yet I try and draw whenever I have the time. I push sleep aside for this. I don't know why. Maybe I just want to blame too many things on why I'm depressed. Maybe I need depression? Anything creative that I've done has been a result of my being down on myself. Maybe I keep pushing the limits of my happiness and drive it into the ground so I can have something to feed off of that will make me create something that people will like. That's how it always goes, right? People think that my most depressing/pent up work is my best. I'll take a hint and continue to take that aggression and please you people. You know I will. I work for you people out there that I will never get to meet in person. Who push me to the edge whenever you get the chance to type to me in a little window. To you, perhaps I'm a robot. But I'm a person. I can't work for you like a little monkey; jumping around for a fucking dime. Monkeys don't dance for dimes, but you get the picture. And the picture is black. 2 Thumbs Up! | C'mon...Just do it.

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